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Batman

Batman

One morning I arrived at the stores and was bundled into a car with three engineers, Andrew, Martin, and Grant to install an alarm system in a large house in Harrogate. The system had to be installed in a day as the owners were going abroad for a period.

On arrival, we were shown around the property by the lady of the house, she also showed us where the kettle, tea and coffee, cups and biscuits were and then left us to get on with the work, saying, I should be back around 2:30.

We quickly discovered that an alarm had been installed previously, many of the cables were intact and after testing could be reused, we split the job into four parts and each tackled a part, by around 1:00 we had completed the work, so made tea and coffee, collected our sandwiches and sat down in the lounge. 

Martin put the television on, but in those days, there were only four channels and nothing of interest was being broadcast. He noticed the customer had a video recorder, a real rarity in the late 70’s Martin looked through the tape library, picking out one and saying, this is a good movie, he put the tape into the machine and pressed play. 

Ten minutes into the film, something odd happened, the film stopped, and we could see a bedroom. 

A few seconds later, Andrew said, that’s the bedroom upstairs, we all looked at him and he went on to say, yes it is, I had to pull the bed out to fit the personal attack alarm and I’m telling you that’s, when suddenly a man dressed as batman jumped in front of the camera, he had on a batman mask and cape, gloves, boots and batman breastplate with the batman logo, however he did not have any trousers or pants on. 

At this point, we are all spluttering with mouthfuls of sandwiches as the scene unfolded, Batman started to masturbate. Andrew had spilt his drink; Martin could not look and Andrew quickly rose, switched off the recorder, rewound the tape to the beginning and put it away, he also switched off the TV ensuring it was left on the channel it had been set to before we used it. Not a word was said, we cleaned up and the lady of the house arrived back.

Martin explained that we had completed the work and were ready to instruct her on how to use the alarm, at which point she said, can you wait twenty minutes as I need to call my husband from work, he will want to see how to use the system. Approximately fifteen minutes later, her husband arrives, and he is immediately recognised as Batman, we kept nudging each other and whispering, you show them, no you show them. 

Andrew had already escaped to the car leaving myself, Martin and Grant who drew the short straw, the control system was installed behind the door from the kitchen to the cellar, Batman and his wife had their backs to myself and Martin but Grant could see us as he gave the demonstration, he had a pronounced stutter which was always much worse when under stress, his stutter was so bad that the system demonstration was cut very short, this was due to Martin and I quietly dancing about the kitchen pretending to be Batman in the video. 

After the training, when we were back in the car Grant said, y,y,y,ou fer,fer,ferking, b,b,b,bas,bas,bas,Basterds and we all nearly died laughing.